Shaft versus Mace Windu

I’m using two characters played by the terrific actor Samuel L. Jackson for this fight. First is his rendition of John Shaft, the nephew of the original Shaft and the angriest black man alive. On the other end of the spectrum is Mace Windu, a Jedi master with skills in both the force and in combat.

Round One:
We’ll set this fight in the days before the Empire, where the Jedi Council still existed. Shaft has arrived at the council to meet with Mace Windu, and immediately starts trash talking and threatening Mace, who he has determined to be “the Man.” Mace tries to remain calm during the trash talking, but feels a bit of the angry black man inside of him welling up as Shaft throws some particularly harsh barbs his way. Still, Mace is a Jedi master and has spent years of his life learning how to control his temper lest the dark side within him well up and turn him to evil.

Shaft, on the other hand, having no compunctions about his rage, Shaft decides to open up a can of whupass on the Jedi. Mace takes as much as he can, winding up with a bruised and bloated face. Round One goes to Shaft.

Round Two:
Having taken more punishment than even his patience will allow, Mace lashes out, drawing his light saber and taking on Shaft man to man.

“Time to taste Jedi wrath, mutherfucker!”

Shaft is staggered by the sudden fury unleashed by the Jedi. He backpedals and draws his gun, hoping to take Mace out from afar. Unfortunately for Shaft, the Jedi blocks the bullets with his light saber. Mace charges at Shaft, suddenly turning off his light saber and using it as a fist pack, laying into Shaft. The black private dick is sent reeling from Mace’s blows and is left looking for an out. Round Two goes to Mace Windu.

Round Three:
Despite the beating that he’s taking, Shaft knows no fear. In fact, each blow that he takes just makes him angrier. And the madder he gets, the stronger he gets. (Oh wait, that’s the Incredible Hulk…ah well, I typed it, so I’ll use it anyway.) Shaft’s rage reaches a peak just as Mace pulls out his light saber again and tries to finish him off. Suddenly, without warning, the light saber flickers out as the aura of black rage eminating from Shaft overpowers it. The tide of battle turns once again, and Shaft’s rage carries through the fight quickly, dealing a harsh defeat to Mace Windu. Shaft leave Mace lying broken and bleeding, and goes off to sleep with a pair of beautiful women. Mace, on the other hand, starts wondering why he’s not a black private dick that’s a sex machine with all the chicks. He quits the Jedi Council and heads off to Harlem, where he takes up residence in a cheap apartment outside of the Lennox Lounge. (Sure Harlem happens to be in the future in another galaxy far, far away, but since when have plot holes slowed me down?) Round Three and the fight go to Shaft.